Friday at Home Before the Doctors

 Friday at Home Before the Doctors 

Friday was a little different from most of my Fridays. I didn't have to go to work because I had a doctor's appointment, and Hubby took the day off, too. Whenever I have to go in for my infusions, he takes time off work and drives me himself. I don't think I will ever stop appreciating that. He has never made me feel like I am facing this journey alone.

Our morning started the usual way, with barn chores for the whole family. There were animals to tend to and things to get done before the girls headed off to school. Hubby and I worked together to get them out the door, and I found myself appreciating something that might seem pretty ordinary to other people.

Usually, Hubby handles the morning school routine because I have to leave so early for work. It was nice to be home and participate in that part of our family life with him. Sometimes it is the little, everyday moments that remind you how much you enjoy being part of a team.

Once the girls were off to school, Hubby turned to me with that look I know so well.

"I bet you would like to sit at that doctor's office with a sore bottom."

I looked back at him with what I hoped was convincing, completely innocent, and utterly fake shock.

He took my bluff and replied, "Oh, I am sorry, so that is a no?"

Oh, he knew exactly what he was doing!

The truth was that I wanted it. I knew I wanted it. But there is something about being asked directly that sometimes makes me want to put on a little performance. I wanted to pretend I didn't want what I very much wanted.

So I pouted a little and, in my softest voice, admitted that I did want a sore bottom.

He smiled.

Then he put one foot up on a chair, pulled me over his elevated knee, and gave me several swats. It wasn't particularly hard, and it didn't hurt that much, but it accomplished something that was difficult to explain. I felt better afterward. Lighter, calmer, and more settled inside.

Sometimes I think it is less about the physical sensation and more about the moment itself. There is something reassuring about being known so well by someone who can see right through your little act. I didn't have to explain what I needed or find the perfect words. He already had a pretty good idea, and he gave me the opportunity to admit it for myself.

Afterward, I hugged him. Then I took a shower, got myself ready, and we headed off to my doctor's appointment.

It might seem like an unusual way to begin a day that involves cancer treatment, but it was our morning, and it was a good one.

The cancer journey is one I wish I could put behind me. Sometimes it feels as though it just keeps going, with appointments, infusions, waiting, and all the uncertainty that comes along with it. Even when you learn how to live around it, it never entirely disappears from the back of your mind.

But I don't have to face it by myself.

Hubby is the man who takes the day off work, drives me to my appointments, and sits beside me through the difficult parts. He is also the man who knows when I need a little firmness, when I need reassurance, and when I simply need him to be there. He knows me in ways that go far beyond the words I say out loud.

He fights for me. He stands up for me. He helps me get my mind into a better place when fear, frustration, or exhaustion threaten to take over. Sometimes he does that through a serious conversation, sometimes through a simple act of kindness, and sometimes through the familiar routines of our marriage.

Some of you know that I honestly believe I might not be here today if it weren't for how hard he has fought for me. I don't say that lightly. There have been times in this cancer journey when his determination, his support, and his refusal to let me give up have meant more than I can adequately explain.

After all these years of marriage, I am still grateful that I get to walk through life with this man.

I cannot think of a better person to have beside me on this long, unpredictable journey. He knows my heart, he understands my stubbornness, he sees through my little bluffs, and he loves me enough to keep showing up.

And on a Friday morning when cancer treatment was waiting for me, I was reminded once again that I have something precious: a husband who knows me, fights for me, and helps me find my footing when life feels overwhelming.

I don't know what the next appointment will bring, or how much longer this journey will continue. But I know who will be beside me as I face it.

And for that, I am more thankful than words can say.