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Facing My Own Triggers With Honesty Instead of Defensiveness

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 Facing My Own Triggers With Honesty Instead of Defensiveness For a long time, I didn’t recognize my reactions as triggers—I thought they were just parts of my personality. Irritation, sharp words, withdrawal, or sudden tears felt automatic, almost justified. I believed I was simply responding to circumstances. But as our marriage grew deeper and more intentional, I began to see that many of my reactions weren’t about the present moment at all. They were echoes of old fears, habits, and insecurities I hadn’t fully acknowledged. Before learning to face my triggers honestly, my first response was almost always defensiveness. If my husband pointed something out, I felt the urge to explain myself, justify my behavior, or redirect the conversation. I wasn’t trying to be difficult—I was trying to protect myself. Somewhere deep down, correction felt like accusation, and vulnerability felt risky. Defensiveness became my shield, even though it quietly created distance between us. Domestic d...
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Thanking Him After

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Thanking Him After It happened again last night. Not a big thing. A silly thing, really. I forgot to pay the Water Bill. A simple mistake in the whirlwind of work and life, but one he’d specifically asked me to handle. When he found the reminder notice, unopened on the counter, his face didn’t even change. He just got very quiet. That’s how I know. “We’ll talk after dinner, Lisa,” was all he said. And we did. It’s not the spanking itself I want to write about today. The sting, the heat, the submission—those are private, between us. What I feel compelled to explain, maybe more for myself than for anyone reading, is what comes after. The responsibility. The structure of it. Because in our marriage, discipline isn't an end. It’s a transition. A closing of one chapter and the deliberate, tender opening of another. The rule is clear: after a punishment, I thank him. It sounds strange, typed out like that. But it’s a cornerstone for us. The act of thanking him, specifically with my mouth...
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Home Again

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 Home Again Hubby has been gone since Friday, and the house has felt a little off without him in it. He and our son set out on a long drive back to college, starting his second semester of junior year. What could have been just a practical trip turned into days of windshield conversations, shared meals on the road, and that special kind of bonding that seems to happen when it’s just the two of them and miles stretching out ahead. They didn’t just drop him off and rush back either. They hauled things out of his storage unit, carried boxes up flights of stairs, and carefully set up his dorm room so it felt like a home again. I love knowing that our son had that time with his dad, that steady presence as he stepped back into this season of independence. Hubby flew in today, and one of his friends picked him up and dropped him at the house. Sometime before I even left work, my phone buzzed. His message was simple, confident, and unmistakably him: he told me he desired me when I came ho...
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The Role of Aftercare in Our Marriage

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 The Role of Aftercare in Our Marriage When people hear about accountability or discipline in marriage, they often imagine the correction itself as the defining moment. What they don’t see—and what has mattered most to me—is what comes after. Aftercare is not an optional add-on in our marriage; it is the bridge that turns correction into connection. Without it, discipline would feel incomplete. With it, accountability becomes one of the safest and most intimate parts of our relationship. Early on, I didn’t realize how deeply I needed reassurance after moments of correction. Even when discipline was calm and loving, my heart would feel tender afterward. Not because I was hurt, but because vulnerability has a way of opening old insecurities. Aftercare became the place where those feelings were met instead of ignored. It was where my husband reminded me, through words and presence, that correction never changes how he feels about me. For us, aftercare is about intentional reconnection...
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Domestic Discipline Before “I Do”

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 Domestic Discipline Before “I Do” When people hear that my husband and I practice domestic discipline in our marriage, they often assume it began after the wedding. The truth is, the foundation was laid much earlier—during our courting years in college—long before we ever shared a home or even held hands without intention. While we were dating, my husband was very clear about his convictions. We did not live together. We did not sleep together. I was a virgin when we married, and our relationship was built deliberately, with boundaries that honored God and protected both of us. Because of that, he also believed that spanking had no place in our relationship before marriage. Even though I was already drawn to structure, leadership, and accountability, he felt physical discipline was reserved for the covenant of marriage. That did not mean, however, that there was no discipline at all. During our college years, when I misbehaved—missed curfew, spoke disrespectfully, procrastinated o...
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Spanking During The Holidays: A Reflection

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 Spanking During The Holidays: A Reflection The holidays have a way of magnifying everything—joy, gratitude, expectations, and especially stress. As much as I love the lights, the music, and the traditions we’ve built, December can feel like a marathon with no water stations. Somewhere between hosting, shopping, church commitments, family dynamics, and the pressure to make it all “special,” my nervous system starts humming a little too loudly. Over the years, I’ve learned that pretending I can power through that stress doesn’t serve anyone—least of all our marriage. Spanking during the holidays has become one of the ways we intentionally slow things down and reset. For us, it isn’t about punishment in a dramatic sense; it’s about stress relief and grounding. When my emotions are running high, I tend to live in my head. A spanking brings me back into my body and into the present moment. It draws a clear line between the chaos outside and the quiet, intentional space we create togeth...
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The Peace of Clear Roles in Marriage

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 The Peace of Clear Roles in Marriage For most of my early adult life, the idea of “roles” in marriage felt old-fashioned or even restrictive. I thought equality meant sameness, and sameness meant safety. But when we settled into our marriage, I realized that trying to split everything evenly often created confusion instead of clarity. We both expected the other to read minds, anticipate needs, and take initiative at the same time. It was exhausting. When we finally embraced clear roles—him as the leader of our home and me as the heart of it—I discovered something I never expected: peace. Clear roles didn’t make me feel small; they made me feel supported. When I knew where I stood and what was asked of me, I stopped carrying the emotional burden of trying to do everything. I didn’t have to be hyper-independent or constantly worried about whether I was “pulling my weight.” I could lean into my strengths—nurturing, organizing, caring—and allow him to lean into his—protecting, guiding...
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