Being the Head of the House Isn't Easy Either

 Being the Head of the House Isn't Easy Either

I wrote this about a month ago and I am going to let it post this Sunday. I scheduled it and now I think it is more important than ever.

When people think about a domestic discipline marriage, they often focus on the wife. They think about submission, accountability, rules, consequences, and yes... spankings. Since I write from my perspective, that's naturally what you read about most often.

But today I want to talk about someone who doesn't always get enough credit.

My husband.

Being the head of our household isn't as easy as some people imagine.

I think sometimes people assume that because he has the authority, everything is simple for him. He makes a decision, I obey, and life moves on. If only it were that easy.

Leadership comes with responsibility.

When I make a poor decision, it doesn't just affect me. He has to decide whether it needs correcting. He has to consider my heart, my intentions, the circumstances, and whether discipline is truly needed or if encouragement would accomplish more.

That isn't always an easy call.

Believe it or not, I don't think he enjoys disciplining me.

• He enjoys a peaceful marriage.
• He enjoys laughing together.
• He enjoys cuddling on the couch.
• He enjoys our date nights.

He would much rather spend Friday evening holding my hand than having to bend me over his knee because I've been disrespectful or ignored something we've agreed upon.

When discipline becomes necessary, it weighs on him too.

He knows it's going to make me anxious beforehand. He knows I'll probably cry afterward. He knows he has to remain calm, fair, and consistent even if he's had a difficult day at work himself.

That's a heavy responsibility.

One thing I've learned over the years is that I can actually make his job easier.

The first thing is accepting correction without arguing.

Nothing makes leadership more exhausting than having every decision debated. If I immediately become defensive, make excuses, or try to convince him why I'm really right, I've just doubled his burden.

Listening first shows him I respect his role.

Another thing I can do is apologize sincerely.

Not because I'm trying to avoid a spanking or shorten one, but because I genuinely understand how my actions affected our relationship. A heartfelt apology lets him know I take accountability seriously.

I also try to tell him when I recognize he's carrying a lot.

Leadership can be lonely.

There have been evenings when I've simply thanked him for taking care of our family. I've told him I appreciate that he doesn't ignore problems but addresses them, even when it's uncomfortable. Those words seem to mean more than I realize.

Respect isn't only something we show after discipline.

It's something we show every day.

I can also help by making his home a place of peace instead of another battlefield. The world asks a lot of him. Work, finances, family responsibilities, unexpected problems—it all piles up.

If home becomes another place where he has to defend every decision, correct every attitude, and settle every argument, eventually that becomes exhausting.

I'd rather be part of his peace than another source of stress.

One thing I try to remember is that he's human.

He doesn't claim to be perfect.

He's made mistakes over the years, just like I have. We've talked through them, learned from them, and moved forward together. Being the head of the household doesn't mean he has all the answers. It means he's willing to accept the responsibility of leading us, even knowing he'll sometimes get it wrong.

That takes courage.

Perhaps the greatest gift I can give him is my trust.

When I trust his heart, even when I don't fully understand his decisions, I make leadership less lonely. I remind him that we're on the same team, working toward the same goal—a stronger marriage built on love, respect, grace, and accountability.

Our domestic discipline relationship has never been about making one of us more important than the other.

It's about each of us carrying different responsibilities.

Mine is to respect, communicate honestly, and willingly accept accountability.

His is to love me well, lead wisely, protect our marriage, and sometimes make difficult decisions that neither of us particularly enjoys.

Neither role is always easy.

Both require sacrifice.

And the older I get, the more I appreciate just how much my husband quietly carries for our family.

So tonight, before I go to bed, I think I'll do something simple.

I'll wrap my arms around him, tell him "thank you," and remind him that I don't take his leadership for granted.

I hope he knows that even when being the head of the house is difficult...

...he doesn't carry that burden alone.

A Question for My Readers

Before I close, I'd love to hear from those of you who are in domestic discipline relationships.

We often talk about what our husbands do for us, how they guide us, correct us, support us, and carry the responsibility of leadership. But we don't always spend enough time talking about how we can support them in return.

What do you do to help your head of house?

How do you encourage him when he's carrying a heavy load? How do you show appreciation for his leadership? What have you found helps make his role a little easier?

Maybe it's something simple, like expressing gratitude more often. Maybe it's being quicker to accept correction without becoming defensive. Maybe it's creating opportunities for him to relax and recharge after a long day.

I'd love to hear your thoughts and experiences.

As always, your comments and stories are one of my favorite parts of this blog. They remind me that none of us are walking this journey alone, and there's always something we can learn from one another.

So tell me—what do you do to help your head of house out?