Feelings all day Friday
Feelings all day Friday
By Friday afternoon, my thoughts always start drifting home long before the final bell rings at school. I can be standing in my classroom straightening papers, answering one last student question, or sitting in a staff meeting pretending to pay attention, but somewhere in the back of my mind I already know what the evening holds. Friday is our day. Friday is when Hubby takes care of me.
Most Fridays are maintenance spankings. Those are the backbone of our marriage and honestly the thing that keeps me emotionally balanced. They are not about anger or punishment as much as connection, accountability, and stress relief. By the end of a work week, I am mentally exhausted. Teaching drains me in every possible way. I spend all week managing students, making decisions, solving problems, and trying to keep everyone else emotionally regulated. By Friday, I feel tightly wound and emotionally cluttered.
Knowing that I will be going home to surrender all of that brings me comfort, but also nervous apprehension.
The nervousness starts building as soon as I leave work. I have nearly an hour drive home, which gives me far too much time to think. Every single Friday, without fail, I get butterflies in my stomach the moment I pull out of the parking lot. I think about whether it will be a mild spanking or a harder one. I think about how vulnerable I will feel standing in front of him. I think about how quickly my confident, professional teacher personality melts away once I walk through our front door.
One of our Friday rules is that I keep the seat warmer on in my car during the drive home. Even in warm weather. Especially in warm weather, honestly. It sounds silly to anyone outside our marriage, but it keeps me grounded mentally. Every time I shift in my seat and feel the heat underneath me, I am reminded of where I am headed and what the evening is about. It keeps my mind focused and reflective instead of letting me completely disconnect from it during the drive.
Sometimes I catch myself gripping the steering wheel tighter as the miles pass.
Maintenance Fridays carry nervousness, but they also carry relief. Deep down, I know those evenings usually end with me feeling lighter, calmer, and deeply connected to my husband. I know the stress I have been carrying all week will finally leave my body. There is comfort in the predictability of it. Comfort in knowing he sees when I am overwhelmed before I even fully admit it to myself.
But not every Friday is only maintenance.
Some weeks I have done something wrong. Maybe I was disrespectful. Maybe I was selfish or dishonest. Maybe I pushed boundaries or acted in ways I knew I should not have. During those weeks, the drive home feels entirely different.
The apprehension becomes heavier.
Instead of just nervous butterflies, I carry dread and guilt. I replay conversations in my head. I think about moments during the week where I knew I was wrong and chose my behavior anyway. I wonder how disappointed he is. I wonder how severe the spanking will be. There are Fridays where my stomach is in knots the entire drive home because I know I earned more than maintenance.
Oddly enough, those are often the Fridays that end up meaning the most to me emotionally.
The guilt sits so heavily on me all week long. I carry it into work, into errands, into every quiet moment. Then Friday comes, and we deal with it honestly. There is no hiding from it, minimizing it, or pretending it did not happen. We talk about it openly. He holds me accountable. I cry sometimes. I feel embarrassed sometimes. I definitely dread it beforehand.
But afterward?
Afterward the guilt is gone.
That is the part people outside this lifestyle probably struggle to understand the most. The spanking itself is difficult, especially on disciplinary Fridays, but afterward I feel emotionally reset. Clean emotionally somehow. The issue has been dealt with instead of buried.
Later that evening we usually get dressed and head to Bible study together. Those evenings always humble me in the deepest way. Sitting there beside my husband on a very sore bottom, emotionally tender and completely reset, I often feel closer to God, closer to my husband, and honestly closer to the woman I want to be.
There is something about entering Bible study after a difficult Friday discipline that strips away my pride completely. I am reminded that marriage is supposed to refine us, not just comfort us. I walk into that room no longer defensive or carrying hidden guilt. The week has been dealt with, and I get to begin again.
By the time Sunday rolls around, I usually already know the cycle will repeat itself again next Friday.
And somehow, knowing that brings me peace.
There is so much to be said for the comfort of consistency, and intimacy. My girlfriend and I value our maintenance routine because it gives us dedicated time to check in with each other as well as all of the benefits of a good spanking.
ReplyDeleteYes there a very close connection when we have the house to ourselves and I am blubbering over his knee.
DeleteHi Lisa, I don’t know if this is the right place for a question, but I could really use your advice. I want so badly to be submissive and respectful. I think I succeed in that regard most of the time, but when my husband corrects me verbally — over literally ANYTHING — I snap back at him and defend my position. He doesn’t generally punish that behavior, and I always apologize after I realize what I’ve done. But I wish I could suppress that immediate reaction. I want to do better. I want to truly hear him and give a respectful response, yet I never (or very rarely) have enough self-control to do that! Do you have any advice for how to suppress an immediate urge to argue and defend yourself? It feels like such an assault to be verbally corrected. I don’t know why I have so much trouble with it!
ReplyDeleteNot Lisa, but I do think you should ask your husband to punish you. Replying, or offering a counterpoint is not a sin, but having a temper and hurting our husbands (even if unintentionally) definitely is. He should definitely give you a spanking, or you should ask for one. So your body, will hesitate before arguing. You know? Our bodies surprisingly remember and learn things
DeleteHi. Like the saying, how do I get to Carnegie Hall? … practice, practice, practice! Like in public speaking, pause and breathe.
DeleteOne must restrain the impulse and embrace a submissive mindset. Move from reactive to compliant communication.
Close your eyes for a few seconds and bite your lip. Place your hands on your lap, or side, or even on your buttocks.
Focus on what he is saying as opposed to what you want to come back with. So listen to understand. Establish a rule that you will be punished for that so in the back of your mind you’ll think twice.
Never argue, calmly discuss. And if he says stop then you stop. You are probably trying to get the last word in. Stop yourself and assume the position for punishment to learn from.
Also, you can put yourself in a time out in the corner.
DeleteDoes putting yourself in the corner work? I’ve tried that a few times but I feel silly and don’t stay. Maybe if I actually went through with it then it would work? Thank you all for your comments. I’m going to try to fix this with your help!
DeleteYou need spankings to learn from!!!!
DeleteDeep respect comes from within. It takes the want to change.
DeleteThis conversation is inspiring me to write an article on my journey in Respect. I hope to finish it in the next few weeks.
Thank you everybody for helping answer her concerns. I think you are right Professional Woman... she needs a spanking. I know that helps me quite a bit.
No, her husband corects her, like she said, the whole time, what if he is just mean and wrong? Jesus died for all you ladies here, yes all of you. You just ask and He will forgive you, yeah that easy. You're husbands aren't the lord and if you need it just be honest and call it what it is: kink. My husband will find himself locked up if he ever does that to me, and I'm married for 25 years, so i think i can tell you that you all deserve better, except if you crave it and it's your kink, anything within marriage is allowed, it's not sin as long as you want it. If you didn't sign up to be beaten, withdraw consent, he can't do a thing about it and honey he won't divorce you, he loves his things too much, btw thats his sin, he loves his earthly possessions. He isn't ready to give you half. Any smart man won't want this in a court, he doesn't want his colleagues and all the neighbours to know he's an undercover abuser.
ReplyDeleteThank you Anonymous for posting,
DeleteI am going to make two comments.
1. Just because Jesus died for our sins does not mean we can not be punished. That is like saying, I shouldn't get a traffic ticket because Jesus died for my sins.
2. I need this accountability. I ask for it. Not everyone does. Like Professional Woman said below, this has to be consensual.
Hi, everyone is entitled to their opinion. CDD/DD is for adults who mutually agree upon such a lifestyle. No one should be getting beaten/abused. Discipline in the form of spankings and other mutually agreed upon discipline/punishments. As it’s been said many times, there’s only one captain of a ship. I was raised in such a loving family. As in society there are rules and consequences. The same applies to the family unit (mutually agreed upon.) I don’t come from a broken home because this dynamic worked for our family. Also, I became a respectful young woman and contribute positively to society as I am held responsible for my misbehaviors. No matter what others may think or say, I personally can attest that bare bottom spankings curbs one’s bad behaviors. … “please sir, I promise I’ll be good!” Thank you sir.
ReplyDeleteI agree with you 100%
DeleteWell I'm a professional myself and I don't see why only half the society should be punished in marriage, but all in the laws. My husband gets tickets as well. Punishment doesn't equal hitting, i never hit my children, they are wonderful and respectful men. DD is consensual, I agree , but CDD isn't and many of you enforce this on your daughter's. Never telling them it's their choice. You put the everloving fear of Hell in them if they go against it. That's my problem with it. That's not choice.
ReplyDeleteAs someone who has lived a life of ‘women can have it all’, feeling pressured by a feminist upbringing to achieve, earn, work rather than stay home with children, compete with men in all regards, I have to say that it is the feminist teachings that don’t give women a choice anymore. Young women are shamelessly shunned and mocked for suggesting that they want to be a traditional housewife, redirected toward finding career goals rather than being allowed to follow any calling they might have to devote their lives to home and hearth. I suppressed my innate urge toward traditional marriage precisely because I grew up in that culture, and what I ended up with was a high-paying leadership position in corporate America, working 50+ hour weeks, a husband who was emasculated by my success and who refused to lead at home, children who I was unable to care for the way I wanted to and the way I knew they needed, and eventually divorce. I made plenty of money, and would have given it all away to get out of that horrible version of life, which by the way felt abusive in that I was being worked to death to support a husband and family while also trying in vain to do all of the homemaking that I craved and which my children needed in every spare second of my time away from work. I was frazzled, uncared for, unprotected, and miserable, with physical health deteriorating due to the extreme stress of trying to do it all.
DeleteFast forward to my life now, where I am happily remarried and living a lifestyle where I am fulfilled and flourishing under my husband’s leadership in a traditional marriage. I feel whole, seen, and properly aligned with my true calling in life. My husband is wise, protective, and leads our home in a calm, caring manner that I needed. While I do still work, he would never let me work my health into the ground. He cherishes me and our children, and provides true leadership, protection, wisdom, and guidance to the entire family. As the person in charge of the family, he does correct me when necessary. You know that that feels like to me? It feels like love and protection from someone who cares about my well-being and the well-being of our entire family.
Having lived both sides of the coin, I would never go back. I think it is the feminists that unfairly strip women of choice in life and place a heavy burden on young women by suggesting that the ONLY acceptable choice in life is to set aside any innate desires they might have toward home and hearth.
I know that some marriages that the Man is the submissive.
DeleteHi. Well, CDD and DD should both involve consent. Although CDD uses biblical, patriarchal interpretations that the husband is head of household and answers to God. Spanking of children is a whole other controversial topic. Personally I was subject to them until turning 13. After that it was a disciplinary option on the table. Like grounding or a spanking. Yes, agree this should not and must not be forced on anyone!
ReplyDeleteWelcome to hear a male perspective. I know my father has a group of close male friends that confide in each other. My father is very open. He got one speeding ticket in his life, and he did voluntary community service and voluntarily donated an equal amount of the fine to charity. But not from his regular paycheck (family money) but from doing minimum wage work until debt paid.
I condone spanking of children... I was spanked but that wasn't me. That was my parents. As far as adults.... adults can make their own choices.
DeleteHi, sorry for only answering now, i would like to continue this discussion and truly I'm not vindictive, I only don't understand. That said, I'm currently working the weekend, I'm not an American and my mother tongue aren't English, although most of the residents in my country speak and write English as it is a school taught language in all schools. It's compulsory. So I will write Monday again. I do want to be on a friendly base, but I do not want men in this discussion. Especially that type where I found your blog Lisa. I'm so over his long and boring explanations and to be honest he wil never correct even the vilest of men, since he doesn't respect women and even if a man do whatever he wil stand by the HOH. That said, i don't mind if you discuss this with your husband's, as you should, but let's keep this discussion for women. This is my first attempt to talk about it, although I've been reading about it for many many years. I thank you for you're understanding and creating a safe space to discuss this. I apologise if if came over harsh in my other messages. Btw I'm typing from my phone, i just don't like pc's, i guess I'm too old lol, not that we are so backward, i just like my phone more, so i can't see properly when i make mistakes. Have a nice weekend. You can call me "Notsotrad"
ReplyDeleteHello Nosotrad, (thank you for putting a name to a post!)
DeleteI am going to talk about several things.
1. I love dialog, I love that people all over the world can debate. Unless someone says something hateful I will not sensor anyone. This forum is open to all. So I will not just keep this women. But I will make sure it is respectful.
2. Also since people can be anonymous ending your post with your name would be awesome so I do not think another Anonymous is you.
3. I value your input and your English is excellent. Considering I do not speak any other languages, I think you are doing amazing.
4. I hope this is a safe space to discuss. I honestly try to see it from everybody's perspective. All people have different dynamic.
5. if you have been reading these stories for a long time, it makes me think you have an interest in this subject and you need to explore your own desires and find one that fits you.
Love,
Lisa