Lisa Spanking Blog

  The Rule I Wrestle With Most If I’m honest, there is one rule in our marriage that humbles me more than any other. Respect. Of all the structures we’ve built over the years, this is the one I stumble over the most. Not because I don’t value my husband. Not because I don’t love him deeply. But because I am, at times, strong-willed, quick-tongued, and emotionally intense. Sometimes I talk before I think. Sometimes I encounter someone making what I consider a dumb comment, and my restraint evaporates. Sometimes stress presses in so tightly that sharpness slips out sideways. Sometimes fear makes me defensive. Sometimes I deflect because I don’t want to sit in the discomfort of being corrected. And sometimes — this is the hardest part to admit — I don’t even realize I was disrespectful until my husband gently points it out and I’ve had time to calm down and reflect. That one stings. Because I am not proud when I am disrespectful. It doesn’t feel strong. It doesn’t feel empowered. It f...

  When Rules Have Consequences The Loving Structure Behind Them In my last post, I shared an overview of the rules my husband and I have developed over the years in our domestic discipline marriage. Today, I want to gently talk about something that naturally follows rules: consequences. For us, consequences are not about anger, humiliation, or control. They are about accountability. They are about growth. And, most importantly, they are about protecting the peace and safety of our home. Just like our rules, our system of correction evolved slowly. In the beginning, we had to figure out what actually helped me grow rather than what simply made a point. Over time, we realized that different types of missteps require different levels of response. Minor Infractions: Attitude & Follow-Through If I forget a responsibility, drag my feet on a task, or allow a poor attitude to creep in, the consequences are usually corrective but light. These might include: Line writing (writing out a p...

 Why Our Rules Matter — and How They Shaped Me When people first hear that my husband and I practice domestic discipline, they often imagine something rigid, harsh, or controlling. What they don’t see is the slow, thoughtful process through which our rules were born — and how deeply they have shaped me for the better. Our rules didn’t arrive all at once. In the early years of our marriage, we were simply two strong-willed people trying to love each other well while juggling careers, children, faith, and the stresses of daily life. We argued more than I care to admit. Well I argued and he would calmly take it. I could be reactive, overwhelmed, or stubborn. He could be quiet, carrying burdens silently. We loved each other fiercely — but love alone wasn’t enough to keep us steady. Over time, we began to notice patterns. We saw that certain behaviors — like shutting down emotionally, speaking sharply in frustration, or rushing through life without care — created distance between us. Ot...

 Balancing Modern Life With Traditional Discipline Balancing a traditional marriage structure in the middle of modern life has been one of the most surprising parts of our journey. Our world is fast, noisy, demanding, and constantly shifting. Jobs, responsibilities, kids’ schedules, and the stresses of daily life leave very little room for anything that isn’t intentional. So when we committed to living out leadership, accountability, and clear roles, we quickly learned that these things had to be woven into real life—not placed above it. And as strange as it may sound, it was the structure we chose that helped us navigate the chaos, not the other way around. Those first six years of our marriage were especially stretching. His Navy career took him through three deployments, and each one required me to step up in ways I never expected I’d have to. I had to keep the house running, manage everything alone, stay emotionally grounded, and carry burdens I normally shared with him. At the...