Why I Said “Obey” in My Wedding Vows

 When I was writing my wedding vows, I knew I wanted them to be personal, meaningful, and completely true to who we were as a couple. I had read the traditional vows countless times before — “to love, honor, and obey” — but like many modern brides, I always assumed I’d leave that last word out. It just wasn’t something you heard much anymore. Most people saw it as outdated, even offensive.

But the closer we got to the wedding, the more I prayed and thought about what marriage really meant to me. I realized that for us, obey wasn’t a word of weakness. It was a word of trust. To me, saying “obey” wasn’t about losing myself — it was about choosing to follow a husband who leads with love, humility, and care.

I didn’t tell anyone what I was planning. I knew some friends might roll their eyes or try to talk me out of it. Even family members, with the best intentions, might have misunderstood. So I kept that little word close to my heart, just between God and me, until the day of the ceremony.

When the moment came, and I looked into my husband’s eyes, everything felt still. I said, “to love, honor, and obey,” and I saw a quiet, almost tearful gratitude in his face. It wasn’t pride — it was responsibility. He understood what those words meant for me to say, and what they meant for him to live up to.

After the ceremony, a few guests mentioned that they were surprised to hear it. Some were curious, others just smiled knowingly. But I didn’t mind the surprise. I wanted it that way. Because my vows weren’t a performance; they were a promise. And that word, obey, was part of the promise that felt most sacred to me.

For me, obedience in marriage doesn’t mean silence or submission in the unhealthy sense. It means being willing to trust his guidance, to support his decisions, and to believe in his heart for our family. It’s an act of love — one that brings peace rather than pressure. It’s also mutual in its own way, because my husband takes his role as leader seriously, always putting our needs above his own.

Over the years, that single word has shaped how we live. It’s kept us grounded in respect and reminded us both of our roles — not in a rigid, rule-based way, but in a way that keeps harmony in our home. When we disagree, that foundation reminds me to listen first, and it reminds him to lead with gentleness.

Sometimes I still get questions about it. A few friends have even admitted they could never imagine saying it themselves. And that’s okay. Every marriage is different. But for us, it’s a word filled with peace. It’s not about being less — it’s about being loved enough to feel safe letting someone lead.

Looking back now, I’m so glad I didn’t give in to the fear of what others might think. That tiny word has carried so much weight, and it’s been one of the most beautiful parts of our marriage. It reminds me daily of the trust we built our vows on — trust in each other, and trust in God’s design for us.

Because in the end, love and obedience aren’t opposites. They’re two sides of the same promise — to walk together in harmony, each doing our part, with grace guiding every step.