Learning Grace and Accountability in Marriage

(sorry for posting this late- life was a bit busy. My goal is to post on Wednesday's and Sunday's)

When I think back to the early days of our marriage, one memory always stands out — not because it was easy or beautiful, but because it was a turning point for me. It happened the day after our wedding, more than twenty-two years ago. I had a complete meltdown over a wedding gift that wasn’t what I expected. Looking back, I can see how silly it was, but at the time, I let my emotions take over. I was tired, overwhelmed, and still adjusting to the huge change of becoming a wife. Instead of showing gratitude and grace, I acted out like a frustrated little girl.

My husband, new to marriage but already a steady and patient man, tried twice to calm me down and remind me to take a breath. I remember the calm in his voice contrasted with the chaos in mine. When I ignored his warnings and kept pushing, I could see the disappointment in his eyes — not anger, but concern. It wasn’t about the gift; it was about my heart and attitude. In that moment, he knew it was time for a serious talk about respect, self-control, and the kind of wife I wanted to become.

He sat me down and spoke to me with firmness and love. It wasn’t fun to hear, and it certainly wasn’t easy to accept, but his words were filled with truth. He reminded me that marriage wasn’t about getting my way — it was about partnership, humility, and learning to trust his leadership. He told me he needed me to respect him, not just when it was convenient or comfortable, but even when I was upset. That lesson included a trip to the bedroom and let’s just say that I did not want to sit for a bit after that trip. However, that conversation and warming of my backside changed me more than I realized at the time.

I remember feeling embarrassed, even ashamed of how childish I’d been. But under that shame, I also felt something else — relief. My husband wasn’t going to let me spiral out of control or stay stuck in immaturity. He cared enough to confront me, to hold me accountable, and to lead me toward growth. That moment was the first of many lessons about what real love looks like. It isn’t indulgent or enabling; it’s steady, guiding, and sometimes corrective.

Over the years, I’ve thought back to that day often. It remains a gentle reminder that my behavior and tone matter, and that ignoring his loving guidance never leads anywhere good. His calm warnings, his patience, and his firmness taught me that discipline isn’t about control — it’s about care. Because of that early experience, I’ve learned to listen sooner, to reflect before reacting, and to trust his wisdom more fully.

Now, two decades later, I’m deeply thankful for that uncomfortable but necessary lesson. It planted the seeds of humility and respect that our marriage still thrives on today. I’m not the same woman I was then — and that’s something I’m proud of. My husband’s steady leadership, even when it meant confronting my flaws, helped me become a better wife, mother, and woman of faith.

That first correction will always be a part of our story. It’s not a moment of shame anymore, but one of grace. It taught me that true love isn’t afraid to say, “This isn’t who you are — let’s do better together.” And because of that, I strive every day to be a wife who listens, learns, and honors the man God gave me to lead our home.